Herbert couldn’t remember names. Awful predicament at times. He’d be talking to someone who’d greeted him heartily and chatted about friends, family, holidays — and though he knew the face, he couldn’t put a name to it.
‘Listen,’ his wife said, when he told her about it, ‘what you need to do is connect something about the face to the name.’ He frowned, not knowing what she meant. ‘See here,’ she said, pulling a photo album out of the drawer. ‘Who’s this?’ She pointed to a black and white photo of a man in a tweed jacket. ‘That’s uh…wotsisname who…
First, you had to roll up the rug and put it to one side. Inset into the floorboards was a metal ring attached to a trap-door. Pull it up and there was the bath — a proper one, white and smooth — sunken into the under-floor. It was a right palaver to have a bath. Grom stored some bits and pieces down there, so you had to take them out first. She filled panful after panful of water from the geyser, which took ages. When the bath was full enough, you had to step down into it and that wasn’t…
Now gather round and let me tell the tale of Danny Wise
And how his hot wife, Annabel, did suck out both his eyes,
And if I tell the story true, and if I tell it clear,
There’s not a single one of you won’t shrink in mortal fear.
One summer day when Danny Wise was having his hair trimmed,
A gorgeous female sauntered by, all curvy and loose-limbed.
The instant Danny spotted her his heart leapt with delight.
He sprang out of the barber’s chair, his hair a messy sight,
And down the street he ran to try and…
I’d love to have been an architect. Stone, wood, straw, tyres, slate, ceramics, tin — think of all the shapes and colours and materials you can use to create a unique building. So many designs can be created if you let your imagination run riot — and there are some pretty weird ideas out there.
I’d design my own house and it would be a thing of beauty. Beautiful dwellings inspire awe. They are breathtaking in their imaginative scope, use of materials and feeling of light and space.
Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder…
‘Planet of the Apes.’ One hell of a film with Charlton Heston yelling ‘Take your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape!’ And that ending! I well remember the shock it gave me when I first saw it.
Rod Serling — take a bow.
How did the apes become masters of the world?
Apparently, all the dogs and cats died out, so people took to adopting apes as pets.
The idea of a world without dogs and cats is pretty awful. How would we adapt if such a tragedy occurred?
Not sure about you, but an ape wouldn’t be…
‘Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York…’
How well I remember that thrilling and awesome news — the discovery of the skeleton of Richard III. Actual Richard III. The last Plantagenet King, slain at the Battle of Bosworth, at the end of the War of the Roses. The King who, in Shakespeare’s play, called for ‘A horse, a horse — my kingdom for a horse.’ The King who scuttled in the shadows, crudely-made and evil, as Shakespeare put it:
Deformed, unfinish’d, sent before my time Into this breathing world, scarce half made…
If you’ve a mouth that’s full of teeth
which hurt and all need filling,
your dentist is the one to call,
he’s ready, able willing.
You might have fangs like Dracula,
or teeth like Druid stones.
Ashamed to give a toothy grin?
Your local dentist owns
the means to make a perfect smile.
You have to grasp the nettle.
He might remove a tooth or two,
or brace your mouth in metal.
With novocaine to numb the pain,
he’ll get to work with gusto,
and drill out all the nasty bits
until your teeth are ‘just so.’
In olden days…
I write to entertain, explain…and leave a tickle of laughter in your brain.