not quite the day they imagined

Photo by Victoria Priessnitz on Unsplash

The day that Miranda got married
(a match that her dad had forbidden)
she walked down the aisle with her Grandpa
and a bump that could hardly be hidden.

Her dress was a froth of white frilling,
like ice-cream with raspberry ripples,
her bouquet was pink and white roses,
her bodice just covered her nipples.

At the front of the church, George was waiting,
a ringing head caused by cheap wine,
and thanks to that 2 a.m. curry
a ‘ring of fire’ in his behind.

The vicar said: ‘Dearly Beloved,’
and started the wedding-day spiel;
he’d slippers on under his cassock
and breath…

It’s not all bad news.

Photo by Church of the King on Unsplash

It’s been weird weather here in the U.K. this summer, some days being sweltering hot, others with thundering rain, then back to cold temperatures. The plants in our garden don’t know where they are.

Yes, I am concerned about Climate Change and Covid and all the other stuff there is to worry about, but there have been trying times all through history and we have managed to come through them. God knows, there couldn’t be much worse than the Nazis, the Holocaust, or The Black Death.

So I think it’s time to look on the bright side of life.

Reason #1 — Removing Plastic Waste

little green people, perhaps?

Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash

‘Hothouse’ by Brian Aldiss. It’s a real science-fiction classic. I first read it when I was about fifteen years old and was blown away by the author’s imagination. What a world he created.

In this far-future vision, plant life has taken over, a lot of it becoming predatory and mobile. It’s a dangerous world and one would have to surmise that all animal life has been extinguished. It is vegetation, in all its various forms, that rules the earth.

Not only do plants have some sentience, mushrooms have developed into a form of brain with telepathic powers.

However, some…

Do you really want your house to look like a prison cell?

Photo by Joshua Davis on Unsplash

Grey. Gray. Spell it however you like, but either way, it’s a disaster.

As a colour per se, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Elephants look good in it, as do squirrels, mice and koalas. You might own a grey, pin-striped jacket, cashmere sweater or wool coat; smart and elegant. Grey can be attractive in the right place, even on your head!

But there’s a wrong place.

On your walls.

Honestly, what’s going on?

I’ve watched umpteen house-renovation programmes over the past couple of years, and the go-to colour for walls is grey. …

via roots

Photo by niko photos on Unsplash

When we gaze up at the heavens, what do we imagine? Alien beings, benevolent or otherwise; civilisations more advanced than ours; outlandish forms of life?

All these might well be possible — even probable. We might have missed our chance however, in that certain distant advanced species could have existed in our distant past, at a time when trilobites and ammonites were the most prolific form of life. But if we ever did manage to achieve first contact, how would we communicate?

If we are looking for extraordinary intelligences, perhaps we should consider turning the telescope inwards, towards the…

you’re only exposing your own discomfort

Photo by Farhad Ibrahimzade on Unsplash

They do say that anyone who has visited a slaughterhouse would never eat meat again.

I’m with that. I cannot abide any sort of harm or cruelty to human or beast. Yet we’ve eaten animals for thousands of years. Animals eat other animals. It’s the kind of world we live in. It’s how nature has evolved.

I don’t like it. I’d much prefer it if every creature, including us, was vegetarian. But that’s not going to happen unless we engineer it and that could disrupt the entire ecological balance and food supply.

So life is what it is. People eat…

It’s good exercise and can help improve your mood.

Photo by Persnickety Prints on Unsplash

‘Strictly Come Dancing’ has won millions of viewers since it first aired in 2004. On the face of it, one would not expect an old-fashioned concept like ballroom dancing to succeed, but it made a terrific impact from the very first. The program is popular with all age groups and now numbers over thirteen million fans.

I’m one of them. I love dancing. It has to be a reasonably good song with a fast enough beat, but I’ll dance to more or less anything. In my younger days, I’d be on the dance floor for three or four hours, more…

We had to — back in my childhood days

Photo by Peter Hall on Unsplash

Goodness me - how life has changed in the 67 years since I’ve known it.

It feels like I’ve slipped into another dimension, one where technology rules all and convenience is the norm.

I was born in 1953 in the North of England. My mother gave birth at home in a small two-up, two-down house. It literally had only four rooms — two bedrooms, a kitchen/living room and a ‘posh’ front room which was rarely used. …

Their beliefs and lifestyle

Photo by Meg Jerrard on Unsplash

Native Australians. Known as Aborigines. Primitive nomadic people.

Treated like scum.

I recently read ‘The Secret River’ by Kate Grenville which for the most part, is set in Australia in the early 1800s. Poverty-stricken Londoner, William Thornhill is found guilty of stealing a piece of wood and is sentenced to be hanged. He pleads for mercy and he and his wife, Sal, are deported to Australia instead.

He has the opportunity now to make a good life for himself — if only those damned Aborigines weren’t in the way.

Damned Aborigines, eh?

They were living in Australia thousands of years…

Laura Sheridan

I write to entertain, explain…and leave a tickle of laughter in your brain.

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