If I had a flat rug
All day long I’d saunter up and down
If my rug was nice and flat
Wouldn’t have to stamp hard
Must admit I feel down in the dumps
Got to find a reason for these bumps
Hordes of roaches, bugs by the dozen
Running up and down beneath my feet
Chewing up the real wooden floors below
One long viper, here to my left
And one even longer to my right
And one more in the middle just for show
If I had a flat rug
‘Morning, Love. Tea?’
‘Oh, thanks…Mm, lovely. Just the job.’
‘Nothing like a nice mug of…ah, look at that. Wow! There must be two hundred of them.’
‘Yeah. Bluestripe Snappers aren’t they? Gorgeous. Look at the gentle way they all flow together.
Ichthyology. It’s like ornithology but watching fish instead of birds. Could be a hobby of the future — if our future is on the sea bed.
We live on a watery world. About three-quarters of it is ocean. If climate change has its way, there could be even less of a land-to-sea ratio. …
Herbert couldn’t remember names. Awful predicament at times. He’d be talking to someone who’d greeted him heartily and chatted about friends, family, holidays — and though he knew the face, he couldn’t put a name to it.
‘Listen,’ his wife said, when he told her about it, ‘what you need to do is connect something about the face to the name.’ He frowned, not knowing what she meant. ‘See here,’ she said, pulling a photo album out of the drawer. ‘Who’s this?’ She pointed to a black and white photo of a man in a tweed jacket. ‘That’s uh…wotsisname who…
First, you had to roll up the rug and put it to one side. Inset into the floorboards was a metal ring attached to a trap-door. Pull it up and there was the bath — a proper one, white and smooth — sunken into the under-floor. It was a right palaver to have a bath. Grom stored some bits and pieces down there, so you had to take them out first. She filled panful after panful of water from the geyser, which took ages. When the bath was full enough, you had to step down into it and that wasn’t…
I write to entertain, explain…and leave a tickle of laughter in your brain.